On (or under) a roll

This past winter, I ended up as the sole boarder at a lovely self-care barn in beautiful Loudoun County.  The independence and control I had being alone was great, but the workload was intense, especially since I had taken on 2 foster mules that were essentially untouchable.  One of the more tedious tasks involved picking up and unloading a 1,000lb round bale of hay every week for my hungry hippos.

Thelma and Louise

Now, the previous boarders had built this covered platform that I assume was created for hay storage.  This clever area kept the hay off of the ground and dry, therefore wasting very little.  In theory this was fantastic.  In practice, however, it did not always work out the way it should have.  It was built on a bit on an angle, and basically you could only unload rolling downhill.  Depending on how I angled things, how the wind was blowing, and if I stuck my tongue out to just the right degree, things could go perfectly, or horribly.  More than once, I heaved too hard and the entire bale unrolled and it would go soaring down the hill.  A complete waste of money, time, and effort.  Needless to say, I needed to come up with a better plan.  Enter, Jake.

At the time of this incident, Jake and I barely knew each other. Just from asking for help with the occasional feedings and making small talk at the barn etc. I am fairly certain I had hidden how much of a mess I really was up to this point (he may tell you otherwise.) Jake was kind enough to meet me at the barn one very muddy morning to help me unload the bale.  The thought was that if someone pushed back on the bale as it was coming down from the truck bed, it wouldn't break through the boards and roll down the hill.  I had been successful in this maneuver previously.

So, I woke up super early to pick up the bale so that I could be on a conference call for work at 8am.  In my rush, I did not line up the truck perfectly, nor had I learned to remove my tailgate completely at this point (again, lesson learned the hard way) so that the tailgate was not flush with the boards but rather propped up on them creating a bit of an incline for me to push the bale over.  Rather than correcting my position, I thought I could just push the bale over the hump and Jake would be able to catch on the other side.

I begin to push and realize there is just no way.  I am not tall enough for my feet to push on the cab of the truck to give a real good heave ho, so I decided to swap places with Jake.

Jake began to push the half ton roll of dead grass towards me, and I began to slip...one foot, then the other.  Both feet just went out and I was flat on my back in the mud in an instant.  My train of  thought went something like this: "oh sh*&!, I am falling, oh no, its falling too...oh my god I think it is going to crush me, oh crap, I am rolling in sh%, oh my god I am alive!" As Jake would later tell me, I was not merely thinking these thoughts, I was screaming them.

Quinn did not mind his hay being spread out for him

As one thousand pounds rolled over me, and down the hill, there was silence.  Anyone who knows me knows that I laugh immediately in awful situations, but this time, I just did not know how Jake would react and I was immediately embarrassed.  His face was priceless.  Clearly, he also did not know how to react in this situation.   He finally managed to ask if I was ok...we both just burst out laughing.  I just could not believe that not only had I survived (mostly in tact...bruised back and twisted knee were minor considering) but the ridiculousness of the situation was beginning to sink in.  I then realized I was soaking wet and freezing cold and needed to get on my call.  As always, I am up for making people laugh, so I made Jake take a picture before I sent him on his way with a great story to tell his coworkers that day.

The photo does not do it justice, as my shirt had gone up and pants down in this debacle, but I thought I should keep the pic G-rated...you can imagine what was happening underneath was way worse than what was on my clothes....also, it was about 35 degrees out...which is fortunate.  If it was frozen, I may have truly been smashed rather than pushed into mud.

Survived!

I was pretty convinced that Jake was never going to want to spend any time with me again after that spectacle, but being the awesome guy that he is, he apparently also saw the humor in it and we have become great friends since then.  It helps that now he has allowed me to see some of his classic goofs as well...sometimes it is just nice to know you are not the only mess out there...hilarity loves company!  I still think he has a long way to go before he can call himself as much of a mess as I am, but I encourage him to continue trying!

I made my phone call on time, and managed to send this pic to my bosses asking them to guess how I spent my morning....oh and did I mention I had our fancy work party to get ready for that night?

What? I can't maintain classy for long...

Cleaned up, and only slightly broken...but in true Andrea Fashion, had to ditch the heels for fuzzy boots by the end of the night